husband doesn t want to go on family vacation

Setting up for a convention and working it and then the take down. This is a really, really big deal. Many manage to avoid devil-worshipping sex orgy kidnapping extravaganzas for almost the entire year. I hope he can get help and is able to recognize this about himself, since you say hes a great husband otherwise. Ill let my boss know that Ill need to leave work a bit early those days so I can get the kids from daycare., If it were my wife, my response would be Have fun Watch the lights in the sky to the north at night.,and Dont try to bet on 37 at roulette.. So theyre officially still working there. I really dont like the taste of alcohol. But Id want OP to figure out a little more what this behavior of his is really about, and make sure its not his way of trying to control her / torpedo her career, before Id recommend she let him supervise her work trip. Good luck and please update us! Leave the argument and do that as consistently as you can. Ifyoure feeling left out, that means something iswrong. Marriage counselling is categorically not recommended if there is abuse. Counseling is a great start. That would be buying in to his controlling behavior and it would be a bad move for their relationship. I hope youll get the chance to play some poker while youre there. [He loves playing poker but seldom gets to play, as Im not a fan of the game.]. Clearly it was a biased survey either way, but Im just very curious :P. I can totally see it being true assuming his friends were not also her friends and therefore only ever got his side of the story on anything, so of course they believe him and think shes in the wrong. Im just going to share my experience if it doesnt fit, let it roll off your back. And not his fault, it was mine! There are tons of huge conferences that take place there all the time. If youre happier and more successful without him, and what he brings to the table isnt enough anymore, its okay to opt out. Yeah, my cousin isnt allowed to travel without her husband. Actually if you go off the Strip theres quite a few things to see and do around Vegas (also non-gambler here), desert hikes, assorted museums (notably neon art & the mob), and my personal favorite the Pinball Hall of Fame which has 100+ playable pinball machines (old and new). Did you say, thanks for confirming that I need to get away from you immediately & forever? The OP should do both. We took a shorter trip while he we breastfeeding and and still did it the same. This is not helpful to the conversation, but seeing posts like this always remind me of a relationship I got out of many years ago (just 3 months before our wedding date!) Plenty to do in Vegas besides gambling and shows! The place smells like cigarette smoke. Sometimes, well go together on business trips (one of us taking it as vacation) this isnt something you can do every time, but it also seems to help him tremendously, especially on his own business travel. I would say that its not necessarily couples counseling that is needed, but that your spouse needs to talk with someone. I had half a day free so I went horseback riding in the desert (which was spectacular and I recommend to anyone). Its just easier to non-committally agree with someone, especially when their view is bananas, than to get into a row with them and get involved in their marital issues. Sadly, that would be a culture that supports controlling behavior. Yes, this. No, but I feel like almost every thread, somebody chimes in with an armchair anxiety diagnosis. As sinful as it gets, I tell ya! A year? Out alone after dark = commuting to a job that has normal office hours. Sin City. July 1, 2022 Posted by clients prepaid financial services derbyshire; 01 . I have no problem with him going to week-long management training or long weekends away for bachelor parties. When an argument starts stop trying to persuade him or defend yourself. Thats what tips me toward the prospect that your husband is on the controlling end of the spectrum and not the real bad anxiety end of the spectrum. When hed worry about what to do if, say, the house burned down while i was gone, I pointed out he could handle it just fine. His parents are awful. You really really need to have those shirts washed in that way? It is NOT his choice whether you go! But, at least in that case, she was 100% aware of the power dynamics she signed up for in entering the marriage, unlike our OP. I cant imagine getting upset because he went on a business trip. And I do like some gambling. The hotel was phenomenal, though! Tell your husband to get a grip, and then yes, get some counseling to get over this anxiety. Eating a meal? I HATED IT! And, in those cases both parties may need to adjust their behavior and / or way that they communicate. And if I only believed he was in danger because I have anxiety I cant control, this wouldnt help at allin fact, it would probably make the anxiety worse. We were already pretty good at forming social subgroups with people who are more like us, but now that we have instant online communities for any reason or belief, the effect has grown, and we can choose to associate more with people who agree with our beliefs. Some couples like a lot of separate space between them, others dont. Its also putting some stress on our relationship, because Im starting to feel resentful about the time I have to spend reassuring you. Hes a great husband who is loving & shows affection in many was. I have a friend that refuses to go to Vegas because he believes its the modern Sodom and Gomorrah. within arms range. He can express an opinion at most. Significant others who mess with your career or education are bad news. Meanwhile their actual problem is almost ignored. Its not you I dont trust, its other people.. Thats fine! Grownups dont treat other grownups like this unless they are fundamentally abusive. In these instance either hes cheating, Im cheating (not happening), or one of us is crazy. Its like I encouraged a learned behavior. But also, this is pretty clearly a business and financial question. And his anxiety is HIS to manage, not hers. Im flummoxed that a whole group of people would respond this way to a very normal thing like a business trip, particularly when presented with the reasoning OP outlined in the letter. ), Yeah man, Id be super bummed if my wife went to Vegas and didnt take me with her, I freakin love Vegas!. I need you to stop doing that. (Im also concerned that hes collecting votes from his friends about whether to allow you to golike, wow, not only does he not trust you to make a decision, hes giving you a whole list of people who he apparently trusts more than you?) Eh, sex work is legitimate work. Ultimately I did choose my career over my marriage and now Im in the the middle of a divorce because of it. I am late to this thread but Working Wife, I want you to know that I was in a similar situation when I first married my husband he was excessively concerned with stuff like this, with the subtext that he was afraid I would cheat. Forbidding is a different story). Group Leaders communicate with staff moderators and escalate potential violations for review, but they dont moderate discussions. You can drink and dance and play roulette in 43 of the 50 states. Im glad you left that loser. Even if he does have some kind of anxiety disorder, he needs to recognize that this behavior isnt reasonable in a relationship, and marriage counseling is a great way to work out problems in a relationship. This is always my response to people and they always get mad at me for saying it. Definitely ask him to go to counseling ASAP to work out these issues in your relationship and like Allison said, if he refuses to go it could be very helpful for you to go alone. Who thinks its normal to ask around if he should let his wife go on a business trip, etc. I would think about whether this fits in a pattern of other bad behavior. It doesnt have to be automatically a negative-value-weighted word (which is admittedly hard for me to do because of my own bad background with a controlling culture and religion) but on the flip-side, I think we should not give cultural differences veto power to prevent us from calling out specific and tally-able patterns of behaviors that some people see as personal red flags or interpersonal deal-breakers. Also accusing someone of cheating so you have to surveil them is right out of the abuser handbook. You say youre the breadwinner. No matter how cool your parents are, money always comes with obligations. I lived in that neighborhood for five years, and was perfectly safe. Hee! Group Owners uphold the core values of the brand by reporting content that violates the community guidelines. Gift of fear is fine for some things, but lacking in partnership issues advice and perspective. But honestly? Ideally, you and your husband would support each other in your careers, not have babyish meltdowns. If you do this, he will *hate* it; I did, and so did my Mother, when I started doing this. You definitely need counseling, and he may need his own as well. 7. If you on a long car ride or your baby simply just doesn't like a car seat you obviously aren't going to stop every 5 or 10 min to take baby out and soothe him so you do it in the car as long as someone else is driving. I suspect that insecurity over her being the primary breadwinner has a lot to do with it (deeply ingrained social conceptions are still a thing). If someone says they dont want to get married, theres probably a good reason in there. And companies love it because it tends to be cheaper than other places with similar conveniences. And thats all the sin city branding is too an advertising campaign to better separate certain demographics of travellers from their money, just like Disneys happiest place on earth branding is an advertising campaign to better separate a different demographic of travellers from their money. But youre his spouse and in a perfect position to help him understand whats going on and try to help fix it! Not because I felt unsafe (though I kind of did, but I could remind myself that was because of CSI and not because of logic) but mostly because it was also not clean enough for my standards and the savings werent worth it the amount of time I spent trying to get places. Business trips for him are salt in a wound, Im guessing. Im being somewhat sarcastic, but maybe a tiny bit serious: I wonder if the concern about her possibly cheating is some kind of fear that the evening networking event is actually a mandatory orgy? I just knew I was so unhappy and was starting to hate myself (but that was me! Bartending is legitimate work too. I am from Las Vegas, born and raised there. Japan is absurdly safe, even if that is no comfort to people when something bad does happen. From the OPs subsequent posts, it sounds like they did agree with the husband, and that shes in an area where thats a more common approach. Him: I ignored it. Its so much more tame than it once was. Thats a CA classic. People who cheat assume everyone else will cheat, too. If his problem is that his marriage doesnt look the way a marriage is supposed to look (and lets get real here we absolutely do NOT have enough information to be as sure as you are) then a good marriage counselor can help him to readjust his notions. Not from the letter and not from the follow ups. Hes gotten better over time, but he still guilt-trips me before I leave and makes sad noises about how he misses me so much and we never spend enough time together. This sounds less like anxiety and more like controlling/abusive behavior. I bought a single-serve bottle of wine in the hotel convenience store and enjoyed it in my room. Turned out my wife was in the backyard mowing but had taken a break before I drove up and my son was upstairs playing quietly on the computer. Haha! ^ +1000, this was the most mind-boggling to me as well. But yeah, I would go to a counselor rather than skipping straight to a lawyer unless there are more flagrant issues. I think that makes all the difference hereOP doesnt just have a grinding job. I read letters like this, and I realize how fortunate both my husband and I are, because its got to be miserable to live with this level of mistrust and anxiety. P.S., you forgot to shill The Gift of Fear.. Because this thing where he insults the moral character of his beloved wife based on the fact that she needs to travel for work? AP, this is just a wonderful post. o_o, As an Iowa alum, I can personally vouch that Ive seen more drunken debauchery in Iowa City than I have on the Vegas Strip. I stayed once at Palms Place, the long-term stay part of the Palms that is set up like studio apartments with full kitchens. I feel a sudden need to greet my husband at the door tonight and give him a big hug. Go. It is easy to go to Las Vegas and behave responsibly. I understand having those anxious thoughts, absolutely, especially if youve been cheated on in the past but if youre at the point of accusing your partner that theyll take some hypothetical opportunity to cheat and are foricng them to defend themselves from a purely hypothetical accusation, there are serious issues. Other National Geographic Family Journeys from G Adventures include bucket-list family vacation destinations like Iceland, Japan, South Africa, Peru, Costa Rica, Morocco, and Vietnam. She acted like she wasnt married. Worrying about cheating, sex, drugs, and rock n roll, is worrying about what I will do. She has a job where you travel, and to him that probably sounds like shes achieving well (and she very well is) when *he is not,* comparatively. Like AAM said it is mostly conference rooms and exhaustion afterword. I can believe that he chooses to associate mostly with people who share his views on sin, evil, and temptation. Thats not out of reluctance to let either one out of their sights, but more because when they have the choice to be together, they will be together, and when its unavoidable, they make do as best they can. And then he needs to communicate that to his wife in a way that proves he understands its not his place to restrict her behaviour based on his irrational fears. Both individuals will benefit from communication tools to use in challenging this kind of worry-filled thinking. Ive been to Vegas many, many times. Ill be honest, my first thought was not anxiety, but control and maybe future abuse. It doesnt seem like he has much ability to manage his own emotionshes unloading them on you to manage insteadand thats a skill all adults should learn, I think. If you want to take PTO and extend your trip, please let me know and we can schedule your flights accordingly., Hehe even though were in DC, Xcorp still expects our employees to behave better than the politicians. Nah, its not legal in Reno either their county did not legalize it. Ioverheard mymother-in-law say, Did she really have nowhere else togo. My knee-jerk reaction was to say, you dont dictate where I go, I was just out for a walk, for Chrissakes. As to the question of WHY businesses have meetings in Las Vegas, its because the hospitality industry there gets it. Either way, its important for both ofyou tocommunicate about such animportant issue sothat things dont escalate further than necessary. I dont think people are misreading; I think that the phrasing is confusing but that context indicates its meaning. Im going to a conference there in November for in-depth training on our electronic medical records system (not exactly a party subject! Life is short. Yeah, I was in Vegas just a couple of weeks ago. Ive gone to Vegas for work and my husband just told me to have a good time and made jokes about what kind of stuff I might get up to while I was there because we knew Id mostly be bored and cranky with the work situation. Vegas does business trips right. thats the strangest technique Ive ever heard of to try and get back together with someone. let has no part of a marriage unless it deeply affects the partner and then people need to work on it together. As someone in the convention industry, Vegas puts a LOT of effort into being a top convention destination (low cost, lots of large all-in-one spaces, lots of options for event entertainment), and pretty much every industry will have events that rotate through there. My company sent managers to Las Vegas last February for a corporate business trip for three days.

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